What Happens to Neurotic People at Valentine's Day

In the first blush of an almost-relationship, there is nothing quite so hideously frightening as Valentine's Day. I spent an entire evening trying to wrap a Valentine's gift. But I couldn't find any Valentine's wrapping paper, so I decided to get all Martha Stewart-y and make it Valentine-themed on my own. So after about an hour of trying to figure out WWMD (What Would Martha Do?) My sofa looked like this: Demeter is in there somewhere, blending in. In true Martha fashion, I grabbed a potato and made a heart-shaped stamper. I was going to stamp gold potato hearts on the wrapping paper. Brilliant! Except they ended up looking like this: Which just wasn't going to do at all. I don't know, I think the gold stamp ink wouldn't adhere properly to the foil wrapping paper. So I cut out gold foil hearts and tried to glue them onto the wrapping paper, but the only glue I had was crazy glue, and they wouldn't stick (how is it possible that crazy glue won't bind paper???). And they made the colour on the wrapping paper run, So I had to tear off the first wrapping, re-wrap the damn thing, and then I decided to string the foil hearts onto ribbon, and tie it on instead: Hard to believe I went to that much effort just to wrap a stupid DVD. You should have seen the days of prep that went into planning what to write in the card.... So, Happy Valentine's Day. If you're coupled up, yay! You get a day to remind each other how lucky you are to have found someone to love. And if you are single... yay! You probably didn't spend an entire evening letting gift wrap make you feel inadequate. And if you are in the no-man's zone of an almost-relationship like me... my condolences.